There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
sarcasm needs its own font
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
