tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
