you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
