True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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