when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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