Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
