just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
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