Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
