Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
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