I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
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