im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Randomize
