we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
