shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm getting married
To pizza
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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