Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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