If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
