Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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