When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
