i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
