You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
