Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
