he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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