i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
