I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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