At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
