I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
