i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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