it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
third nipple confirmed
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
