I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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