i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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