Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
