I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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