Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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