so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
