you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
