just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
