dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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