the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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