in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
