So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
