im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
