Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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