Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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