So drunk, too bad you don't want this
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize
