I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
