She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
