Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
