Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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