I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
