my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
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