her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
