I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Randomize
