Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
