All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
