Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
