No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
