You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
i think i just lost a toe
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