Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
