I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
All I want is dick and wine.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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