ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
