Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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