My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
