I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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