first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
