I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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