He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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