I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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