Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
