I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
