I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
What a dumb baby whore.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
