i don't like sucking hair
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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