i used baking grease as lip gloss
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
where are my pants?
in the oven.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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