I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
