Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
